she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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