Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
