nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
