Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
