You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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