Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
