I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
