I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
