I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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