while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
