Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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