oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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