and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
