Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
