I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
