This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
