my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize