She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
