so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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