I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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