Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
this beer tastes like vomit already
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
