dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
