I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up under a house in Key West
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