Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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