video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
