saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
