I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
