if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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