i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We were destined to go to rehab together
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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