Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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