so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
