Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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