I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
