My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
