My brain says no but my pants say off.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
