I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
