Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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