somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize