this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize