That's intense
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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