and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
