If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
