My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
