i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
