can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
