My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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