so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
