obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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