If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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