hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
