I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
