got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
