Please, let me fuck your mom
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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