So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
