Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
