ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
