just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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