3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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