Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
