Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
