I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
