i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
