how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
