got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
