happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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