i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
