went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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