is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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