when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
