im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize